My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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