I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
