He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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