He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
