I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
