Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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