I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
