and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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