What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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