I CAN MOONWALK!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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