you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
