You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
