that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wear drunk well.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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