Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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