If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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