Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
