dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
