Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
