I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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