Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
