she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize