You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
