i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
