I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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