I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
