my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize