i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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