she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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