get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
