I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
