Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
