dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
