it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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