i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
