The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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