i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
