when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
