Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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