oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
