there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just gift wrapped bread.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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