according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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