i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
