I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
