New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm both gender and math confused
how does that bad decision feel?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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