O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
