Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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