We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
