we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
porn star boner night. come get it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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