matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
