Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
