do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
