There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
