Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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