Yo dont text me then not text me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
