Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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