He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
