if you like me you must not know who I am
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
