and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
