just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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