I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
