She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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