wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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