Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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