he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
