Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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