i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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