Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
