Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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