The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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