Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
