When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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