Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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