it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
